By T. BERRY BRAZELTON, M.D., and JOSHUA SPARROW, M.D. from The New York Times Syndicate’s FAMILIES TODAY column.
Question: My son is two and a half. He speaks in sentences but his verbal exchanges are more descriptive than interactive — almost like a running commentary.
He also has problems “naming” things. He doesn’t seem to grasp the concept. He is sweet and affectionate. He plays well with his younger sister and often interacts with her: He scolds her, brings her toys, tells her what to do, and makes her laugh.
Should I worry?
Answer: Your child seems bright and engaging, which is reassuring. But those qualities might cause others to overlook the subtle differences you detect.
It’s noteworthy when a child who speaks in sentences isn’t naming objects. When children are learning to speak, they point to things to find out what to call them, to practice naming them or to share their excitement about the words they already know.
As you describe it, your son’s approach to expressing himself doesn’t involve the back-and-forth that most children this age can manage.
Perhaps he truly engages in free-flowing conversation with his sister — or she is more tolerant of one-way communication than older children and adults.
Any parent with a lingering concern about a child deserves to have that concern addressed. Mention your observations to your pediatrician.
Not every pediatrician, however, has the training to pick up subtle differences in language development. A careful evaluation by a speech and language therapist who is experienced in working with children can help you understand the significance, if any, of the differences you observe.
Some pediatricians might suggest you wait to see if your son will “grow out of it.” But if he needs help, starting early can make an enormous difference.
Questions or comments should be addressed to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton and Dr. Joshua Sparrow, care of The New York Times Syndicate, 620 8th Ave., 5th floor, New York, N.Y. 10018. Questions may also be sent by e-mail to: nytsyn-families(at)nytimes.com. The (at) represents the symbol on your keyboard. Questions of general interest will be answered in this column, which may be posted on a Families Today Web site or collected in book form. Drs. Brazelton and Sparrow regret that unpublished letters cannot be answered individually.
Responses to questions are not intended to constitute or to take the place of medical or psychiatric evaluation, diagnosis or treatment. If you have a question about your child’s health or well-being, consult your child’s health-care provider.
Dr. Brazelton heads the Brazelton Touchpoints Project, which promotes and supports community initiatives that are collaborative, strength-based, prevention-focused sources of support for families raising children in our increasingly stressful world. Dr. Sparrow, a child psychiatrist, is director of Special Initiatives at the Brazelton Touchpoints Center. Learn more about the Center at www.touchpoints.org.
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Q. On a recent car trip, my nearly 2-year-old son threw “blankie” out the window.
He has cried for it. Demanded it. Blankie is his most trusted companion.
A thorough roadside search was fruitless. I ordered a replacement. He saw it, dropped it on the floor, and walked away as if to say, “I don’t think so.”
Now I have located an identical blanket. It arrives soon. I plan to stain it with chocolate milk and spaghetti sauce prior to washing it and putting it in a location that will allow my son to discover it on his own.
Every time we have put him down to sleep for the past week he has fought us off. He has been going to sleep at least 90 minutes after his scheduled bedtime. He is tired, cranky, loving and clingy all at once.
Are we doing the right thing? Should we simply remain calm and be convinced that his attachment to blankie will naturally subside?
The main reason I ordered a replacement is because we are moving. Going through the move will mean he needs something to soothe himself.
With blankie his world seems complete. Without it, he is a different child. He went away a little boy and came home a baby. I want my little boy back.
Dear David, you are describing so well a typical 2 year old behavior but there is a little twist in your case! Every normal 2 years old kid is one minute a baby: wanting attention, seeking closeness, having crying or angry outburst etc., yet the next moment they push you away, seeking their “independence”. This confusing behavior is part of their own struggle with the task of growing up. The “security blanket”, is as you correctly stated, their “trusted companion”, your kid lost his favorite stable, consistent object, and no wonder he feels “insecure”.The security blanket sole purpose is to provide a sense of continuity and familiarity at this internal chaotic times.You are also moving to a new home, and I am sure that too adds sense of loss and insecurity. He may not “know” that you are moving, but I am sure he senses it. That said, his behavior is expressing his feelings about all the changes above , so you have a wonderful opportunity ( challenging as it may be)to engage with your kids about his and your feelings. All children crave and thrive on emotional connection even if it does not seem so at times. Setting time aside to be with your kid, acknowledging how he might feel, even acknowledge calmly what you may be feeling, and trying to find an alternative solution to the lost blanket, any solution that will provide the much needed comfort, will be very rewarding for you and your son. Once the “little baby” inside your “big boy” gets acknowledge, the big boy in him will blossom!
Let us know how it goes, Yaffa