As Darcy was growing up, she often helped her mother to cook or clean while her brother, Peter, was off in his room. She feels like Peter has paid the price since, that his tendency to opt out rather than pitching in has cost him in his relationships with housemates and women.
She is determined that her own son and daughter will both learn to help. But her son, Danny is only four. It’s so much easier to leave him playing and just recruit seven year old Alicia when chores need to be done! Recently Alicia has started to complain, “How come Danny doesn’t have to help?!” Darcy has good answers but finds herself feeling conflicted. She wonders if she is falling into her own mother’s pattern and whether it’s time push both herself and Danny a little more.
What is helpfulness?
Helpfulness means trying to make life a little easier for other people. If we are paying attention, we notice when someone else is struggling –to open a door, to complete a task, or even to go through the dying process with grace and dignity. We move instinctively to ease the struggle – lending ourselves whether for a moment or a lifetime to serve their purpose.
If we look around us, we become aware how much of the substance and beauty people are able to create depends on helping hands. Like generosity, helping is a gift that gives to the giver. Sometimes we receive help in turn from those we assisted; even more often our helpfulness ripples through the world as other people spontaneously pay it forward.
Five Quotes to contemplate, discuss and share.
It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident.
–Charles Lamb
If you’re too busy to give your neighbor a helping hand, then you’re just too darned busy.
–Marie T. Freeman
To the world you may be just somebody, but to somebody you just may be the world.
–Unknown
Bringing it home to your kids
1. Asking children to help often takes more effort than simply doing something yourself. Think of it as an investment in the future—yours and theirs!
2. Point out when other people need help—an elderly relative, a younger sibling– and ask your child to assist rather than reflexively lending your own helping hand.
3. Teach your kids the concept of “Pay it forward.” (You can’t always help the people who help you, but if you watch someone else will come along who needs your assistance).
4. Watch for situations when help from your child really would make a difference for you. Being needed is an important part of self esteem.
5. As your child gets older engage them in more formal helping roles: tutoring, “mother’s helper” for a neighbor with a newborn and an older child, assistant coach. Any of these can help develop the helping instinct and ability to read other people’s needs.
Photo by Sean Dreilinger
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
That’s a valid point about being needed is an important part of self esteem. I never thought of it that way. I wish growing up I had someone reinforcing this on me so I don’t have to learn everything on my own.
Leslie